Confidential

4th November 2019

Dear Dom,

My God this is tedious. ‘Ad hominem et tu Brute’ as my old housemaster used to say following release on bail after another drunken foray into the local Spearmint Rhino. Some of the girls were left emotionally scarred while the bouncer had to have surgery to his nose. At least he had the good grace to pay for private health treatment for the over muscled pleb.  

You were of course quite correct to point out that many of my colleagues don’t care about the NHS, that they don’t care about the little people and their piffling concerns about access to GPs and waiting times for surgery. Therefore your suggestion of the need to be seen to visit hospitals and promise more of them is sound electioneering old boy. The booing I can take, I’ve heard it all my life, but that little medical student at Addenbrooke’s Cambridge saying it was a PR stunt was a bit much. How did she know? Did someone leak it? Pretty little thing though, any chance of following her up to arrange a ‘private one-to-one’ with the little filly? Of course, Carrie should not be party to the discussion in case she gets the wrong message and starts shouting (again). 

The ‘NHS is safe in our hands’ and is ‘not for sale’, indeed I’ll keep repeating this bollocks until the great unwashed, or enough of them anyway, believe it. Any mention of Trump’s comments or Hunt’s visits with the Yanks a few years ago are to be denied. 

Yours 

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson – or ‘Boris’ to his chums.