27th October 2019

Dear Jeremy, 

As the leader of Her Majesty’ opposition, or in this case ‘principis plebs’, as my old housemaster used to shout pointing to the head boy in the tuck shop queue. Why he was in the queue himself was never established as he had the full run of the staff dining room.

Perhaps he was just fond of the boys? Anyhoo. 

I would just like to reiterate ‘mutatis nil desperandum’ that I am ready for a full on slogging match at the dispatch box or the ballot box should that eventuality arise in the near future. 

I’ve never been so ready for a spanking as when nanny caught me with my fingers in the honey jar, chocolate smears around my mouth and a copy of Mayfair opened at a particular willing looking young lady wearing nothing but a smile and some rather fetching frilly underwear.  

Of course I’m joking as I will be the one administering the spanking this time. 

Tally ho. 

Yours 

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson – or ‘Boris’ to his chums. 

PS Cummings says “Tell him, he’s a c*nt”