26th October 2019

Dear Mr Jones, 

May I call you Eddie? The Edster? The Slayer of Kiwi? ‘Sir’ Eddie (only joking..or am I?).

Many many congratulations on today’s super win against the Mighty All Blacks, ‘et in gloria, nobis vincimus’, as my old housemaster used to say in the shower room with the boys after a good game of rugger. Why he was in the shower, when he did not play I shall never know. However, I’m distracted. 

I never doubted for a second that this would be the result, and I must say, um.. er, yes fantastic…and yes, we won, we won! Churchill would have been proud of sticking one up the colonists be they white, black, brown or any shade of piccaniny. I’ve said all along that what we need is faith, spirit and belief and we can achieve anything. I’d like to think my own heroics off the field, kicking the Brexit ball closer to the EU try line,  has had some small but also significant positive effect for our sporting heroes. I think we can, er rejoice…yes rejoice in our joint ‘magnus opus in agro pugnatum’.

Good luck for next Saturday, if there is anything I can do…..? 

See you for a post match beer when you get back? 

Yours 

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson – or ‘Boris’ to his chums. 

PS Cummings is currently pissing in the Welsh Pool.